In Christ - Purposeful Marriage

Pastors Tyler and Amy Lynde continue the In Christ series by slowing down in Ephesians 5 and refusing to turn a beautiful text into a battleground. Tyler frames the whole passage as it was meant to be heard: first as a stunning picture of Christ and His church, then as practical instruction for husbands and wives. If we miss the gospel, we miss the point. Jesus loves His bride, gave Himself up for her, cleanses her by the Word, and will one day present her in glory. That is the foundation beneath every call to love, respect, lead, and yield—and it is why no one can live this out without being born again and filled with the Holy Spirit.

From Genesis 2, Tyler shows that marriage is God’s idea and design: one man and one woman for life. Ecclesiastes 4 reminds us that God is not a bystander but the essential third strand of a strong covenant. Before talking roles, Tyler names one of the most common roots of conflict: unmet expectations that morph into quiet resentment and scorekeeping. Instead of trying to fix a spouse, the call is to discipleship at home—mutual submission in the fear of Christ, Spirit-empowered obedience, and a posture that says, “A true disciple makes a great spouse.”

Amy joins to speak directly to wives with clarity and care. She reframes submission as yielding to godly leadership for God’s greater purpose, never as passivity, control, or tolerating harm. No one is ever required to submit to anything that violates God’s Word. She offers practical pictures of respect and honor: prioritizing the marriage, choosing gratitude over contempt, and training thoughts with Philippians 4:8 to celebrate what is praiseworthy.

Tyler then calls husbands to agape love that looks like sacrifice, tender care, and partnership. Sacrifice means laying down childish ways, listening with full attention, and stepping up spiritually so the home hears, “Follow me as I follow Christ.” Tender care looks like protection, provision, encouragement, and living with understanding (1 Peter 3:7). Partnership means valuing a wife as a treasured coheir, honoring her gifts, and loving her as your own body.

Throughout, Tyler and Amy keep the gospel central and the application practical. Marriage is meant to be a living witness to Jesus in a confused world. If you want a marriage shaped by Scripture rather than by culture or control, this message will help you start with transformation, not techniques. Watch, share with someone you love, and let them know the one takeaway you’ll practice this week.

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Transcript

Purposeful Marriage Text Read

Tyler Lynde 0:02

So let's just get into this. Ephesians chapter 5, verse 22, is where we're gonna start. We're in a sermon series on the book of Ephesians called In Christ. And we're in the second part of that, which is all about the purpose that we have in Christ. But we also uh did the first half of Ephesians, which helps us to identify our identity in Christ. And it is when we know who we are in Christ that we can live out the calling that God has called us to live out with uh with purpose and understanding how we're supposed to do that. Over the last couple of weeks, we've seen how the Holy Spirit through Paul has been using contrast as a means of making a point about the different ways of living of those who are part of God's kingdom and those who are not, things like don't live this way any longer, but live this way instead, right? Has that been good? It's been excellent. Sometimes we need to hear it that way. And now the approach changes a little bit in our passage this morning. It goes from contrast to comparison. So we're gonna look at comparing some things. Instead of uh we'll comparison will be employed to teach truth, specifically comparing the way that Christ relates to his church and the way that husbands and wives should relate to each other. Buckle up, here we go. So the title of today's passage or sermon is Purposeful Marriage. Let's read from the Word of God. Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to ever in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Let's pray together. Father, we are so grateful for your word. It's wonderful, it's magnificent, it's amazing, it's filled with words of life. It is Jesus Himself expressed on the page. And so, Lord, we ask that as we digest your word today, that it would go down deep into the good soil of our hearts, that it would uh grow within our hearts and be watered by the Holy Spirit and produce the desired results that you desire for it to produce. We ask that you'd help us to have ears to hear what the Spirit is saying this morning. In the areas where we need to change, Father, we ask that you would help us to have the grace for change. And Lord, more than anything else, help us to be your followers and to obey you, not because we have to, but because we want to in Jesus' name. Amen. I want to start this message by saying something to my beautiful wife of 33 years, Amy. And that is that after my relationship with Jesus, she is the most important thing to me. She is such an amazing example of Christ-likeness and encourages me in my own walk with the Lord every single day. And I love her for it. She's my best friend and the love of my life. This lady right here. She's the magnificent mother of our four children, one of which is graduating this next week. And she uh her legacy continues into the next generation as she loves our grandchildren fiercely and also works tirelessly, tirelessly to encourage young moms in this church and beyond this church on their jury. She is, in the simplest way I can say it, she's simply the best. She's simply the best. Amen. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate it. It's absolutely true. But before we get into the nuts and bolts of the marriage part of this passage, I want us to look at a few things and understand them. These are important to remember and focus and focus in on as we move into the practical parts of this message. So let's look at this. We can't properly obey the scriptures unless we are born again and filled with the Holy Spirit. So many times people read the Bible or they have people read the Bible to them or tell them about what the Bible says, and the issue that comes from that is that they can't fulfill it. They don't know how to walk it out. And the reason is because they're not born again. They're not born again, and they're not filled with the Holy Spirit. In this passage, even in the process of making points on marriage that Paul does through the work of the Holy Spirit, the preeminence of the relationship between Christ and his church is undeniable. It's the very foundation of this passage itself. Let's not miss that in our desire to understand how to be better wives and be better husbands. Christ and his church is preeminent in this passage. Jesus loves his church. He calls his church his bride. I described in just a few words the way I feel about my bride. And I promise you, the way that he feels about his bride, it far outweighs and outshines the way that I am in the English language, which feels very restrictive at times. The way that I'm able to express the way I feel about my bride, Jesus loves his bride even that much more. He loves us. He gave himself for her. He makes her holy. This is all found in this passage that we're reading this morning. He gave himself up for her, he makes her holy. And someday he will glorify her. When he returns to this earth, he's going to change us. We're going to be made like him. We're going to be glorified, and we are going to be perfect as he is perfect, so that we can be with him forever. This is the good news and the gospel of Jesus Christ that is found embedded in every scripture, in every passage, in every book of the Bible. And this is the truth that is the foundation of our lives. Am I right? The second aspect is we must acknowledge our sin and need for a savior. It's not enough to have a mental ascent or to agree that what I just said is true. We must repent, which means to turn away from our sin and to turn toward God. We must believe on the Lord Jesus, that he was born of a virgin, that he lived a perfect life, that he took our sins upon himself as he died upon the cross that we deserved, that he was buried for three days, and then he rose again from the dead. And when we believe out of a sincere heart and confess Jesus as our Savior and Lord, the scripture tells us that we are saved. How many of you this morning can say that that's your story, that you are born again? Thank God. And if you're not yet, I'm telling you, don't leave this service today without taking advantage of this opportunity. Take advantage of it and be born again. Water baptism is a part of this, this whole passage as well. It is the outward expression of what God has done on the inside of a believer. And we are going to have this class on May the 20th, and the baptism will be on the last Sunday. I think it's the 31st of May. So we encourage you to be involved in that if you have not yet done that. Ephesians 5.18, which is just a few verses before our passage, also tells us that we should be being filled with the Holy Spirit. So we need the initial experience with the Holy Spirit. We need a secondary experience with the Holy Spirit, and we need it every day, more and more and more filling of the Holy Spirit. He dwells within us, giving us the ability to walk in God's ways and empowering us to obey Him. How many of you tried to be a good person before you had the Holy Spirit? And how did that work for you? Even if you tried and you did all the right things, how many of you know the attitude of our hearts was still wrong? So we cannot be good, we cannot walk in God's ways, we cannot obey Him without the work of the Spirit. It's in that context that the passage that we are studying is framed. It's all in there. We will not have healthy marriages without the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives. It just won't happen. We need the Holy Spirit in our lives. So let's now turn our attention to marriage, and that's what we're going to focus on for the next few minutes. And this passage actually quotes Genesis chapter 2, 24. And I want to read the context of that verse so that we can get a thorough understanding of the fact that marriage is God's idea. It says in Genesis chapter 2, verse 18, and remember that all of the earth had just been created by the word of God, right? The Spirit was hovering over the waters, and God spoke, and all of these things began to happen. And the last created being was Adam. God created him out of dirt and breathed into him the breath of life, and he became a living soul. And then Adam began to work for God. He began to name the animals and go around and see all of the God's creation and become a caretaker of those things. And then the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone. Wait for it, wait for it. Thank you. Thank you. I'm trying to help you out from the very beginning, guys. It's not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him. Now, out of the ground, the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called, every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the livestock, to the birds of the heavens, to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. And Derek reminded me this morning that word helper there is not secondary. It's not something that's uh that's to be looked down upon. God himself calls us, that he says about himself that he is our helper, right? So that's a positive word. It found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept, he took one of his ribs and closed up his place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man, he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man. Therefore, this is the verse that was in our passage, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Now, whenever I do a wedding and I read this passage, I have three jokes that go along with it. But I'm gonna just move past all of that this morning. I'm attempting to grow up a little bit and to mature as a man. So uh so if you want the jokes, come to me later and I'll tell you about them, okay? They're pretty good. But anyway, moving on. Here's the point that I want you to get from this man did not create marriage. It was not man's idea, it was not woman's idea. God created marriage, it was his idea, and so therefore, he alone is qualified to speak to its purpose and its definition. Do you agree with that? If God created it, if it's God's idea, then he gets to determine the definition of it, what it is, what it means, and what it looks like. And so I'm gonna give you a very narrow definition for marriage. And I believe that this is God's definition of marriage. Marriage is intended by God to be enjoyed between one man and one woman for life. Let me read that again. Marriage is intended by God to be enjoyed between one man and one woman for life. Now, before everybody gets upset with me, I understand that there are exceptions to this. There are a lot of things that happen in life, right? There are spouses that pass away, and obviously this is, I'm saying, for life, right? So there are there are marriages that happen out of that. There are divorce situations that happen before before you were saved, or lots of different scenarios. So I'm not trying to uh to discount your personal experience, but we can't leave the ideal out of its perfect its proper place just because we live in a fallen world and we have these experiences that don't match the ideal, right? We in other words, if we're teaching our children and grandchildren what marriage is, what do we want to teach them? We want to teach them this right here, because this is what God says about it. I know that uh again, there are exceptions, um, but those exceptions shouldn't take away from God's ideal when it comes to marriage. Think about the vows that each and every one of us spoke in our wedding ceremonies. Many of these very words were included in the vows that we spoke to each other, right? And so even humanity, humankind has adopted some of God's verbiage when it comes to marriage and what it is. So God wants to have a role in your marriage. Not only is marriage God's idea, but he wants to have a role in it. He wants to have a part in it. Ecclesiastes 4 12, and though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken. So, what do you have what do you have to have in order to have a healthy marriage? You have to have a husband, you have to have a wife, and the third element is God. God, you know the difference between a promise and a covenant? A promise can be made between two people, but a covenant involves a third. A covenant is a spiritual word, it's a God-ordained word, and it's a word that includes God in the mix. If we are to have healthy marriages, they will not occur just by the two of us trying to figure it out. We must include God as that threefold cord, which is not easily broken. The foolish man builds his house on the sand, and the winds and the waves destroy it. And in a similar way, marriage without God as a part of it is destined for trouble. It is destined for trouble and ultimate destruction. So let us embrace God as the anchor of our marriages. This is good news that he wants to be a part of our marriage. Amen. Um, and the third thing here is we are called to be disciples of Christ in our marriage. We are called to be disciples of Christ. Before we talk about the roles of wives and the roles of husbands, we need to understand that the underlying idea needs to be that we need to be disciples of Jesus Christ. And as we are disciples of Jesus Christ, every area of our lives is affected by that, including our marriages. And the verse just before 22 is verse 21 in Ephesians 5. It says, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. You know, Jesus himself showed us what it looks like to rock to walk in proper submission. How did he do that? While he was on this earth, everything that he said and everything that he did was according to what? His father's will. He was submitted, even though Jesus was God and could consider himself as God, he lowered himself, he humbled himself, and he submitted himself to his heavenly father to accomplish his will here in this earth. We in turn, as followers of Jesus Christ, are to live lives as his disciples. Listen to this beautiful phrasing. The beauty, excellence, and fulfillment of your marriage is directly proportional to the degree of submission to the lordship of Jesus and obedience to his word walked out by both marriage partners. Let me repeat that one more time. The beauty, excellence, and fulfillment of your marriage is directly proportional to the degree of submission to the Lordship of Jesus and obedience to his word walked out by both marriage partners. In other words, a true disciple makes a great spouse. A true disciple of Jesus Christ makes a great spouse. Now we know, according to the passage that we read this morning, that there are specific roles that God intends for husbands and wives to fulfill. And we're going to talk about that for the remainder of our time together this morning. You know, when I've counseled people through the years, what would you guess would be the number one problem in marriages? And I've been in ministry now for 33 years. What do you think the number now we could think of a lot of symptoms? We could talk about a lot of symptoms. What do you think is the overarching problem? Yeah, communication, you could name a lot of different ones. I believe that the way I can describe it best is unmet expectations. Unmet expectations. In other words, one or both of the individuals had expectations concerning the marriage and especially concerning the way that their spouse was going to be. Am I right? We had thoughts, we had vision, we had uh an imagination concerning the way that our wife would be or the way that the husband would be, right? And so when that doesn't pan out the way that we thought that it was going to pan out, we begin to do what? We begin to attempt to create in them the ability to meet our expectations. And I've said this already, but how's that working for you? How many of you have been able to change your spouse? If you have, would you please come up and take the microphone and share it with the rest of the audience? Because the reality is I can't change anybody. But by God's grace, myself. Here's the issue. The problem with marriage is almost always we're looking at what the other person is doing wrong and judging that instead of looking at our own hearts, looking at our own actions, looking at our own words, looking at our own ways of doing things and considering that. If we began to live in that way instead, how many of you know things would change dramatically? There's a wrong mindset when it comes to trying to change your spouse. Wives should purpose to live in godly submission, and husbands should purpose to love their wives as Christ loves his church, according to this passage. That's the way that we're supposed to live. But each one of us should individually be working on these things for ourselves and not trying always to change the other person. I get so tired of hearing husbands say things like, Submit, woman. Oh, there's no man in this room that would ever say that. You turn the you turn the phones off, you get in a room with just the two of them, and the wife is saying something that the husband doesn't feel like is appropriate, and all of a sudden he lets loose on her. He may not use that word, but he'll use something like it. And wives in turn will say, Why don't you love me? And I'm not making fun of emotion, I'm not trying to do anything like that. But it's the same thing. It's the wife trying to get the husband to be to her what she needs. How many of you know, as disciples of Jesus Christ, we are to honor him, we are to follow him, and we're supposed to act like him. This whole passage, even the way that we respond to each other. Is based on the fact that we are submitted to the Lord and we're responding to Him and His Lordship and we're living out in our marriage the roles that He has showed us how to live. He's shown us how to be the proper husband and how to be the proper wife. When we choose to do things God's way, guess what? He is glorified. Our lives are more fulfilled, and we are able to exemplify for the world what the relationship between Christ and his church looks like. And that is ultimately what God intends for us as believers to do, right? So let's get into the very depths of this. It says that wives are called to submit to and respect their husbands. Let's read that again. Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Now I know that the word submit can have some negative connotations, especially in places like I mentioned before, where people have used it to be abusive to their spouse. We're not talking about that. Obviously, God is not talking about that. God is not pleased with any form of abuse. Okay? Let me say it as clearly as I can. We are never required to submit to anything that goes against God's word. We are never required to submit to anything that goes against God's word. So, ladies, if your husbands, and I pray that this would never happen, but they if they ask you or demand for you to do something that is against God's word, you can lovingly say, I'm sorry, but I can't do that. I can't do that. Now, my beautiful wife that I spoke about earlier is going to come and share for a few minutes about this topic of biblical roles for the wife.

Amy Lynde 24:22

Good morning. I just want to um remind the women that the word of God is like a love letter to his daughters, right? We are his daughters, and it's a heavenly father who loves us and created us, and he's speaking these things to us. So another way I like to look at the word submit is also to yield. And when we submit to God, we are committing to his greater purpose. Obeying God requires us to yield to our husband's godly leadership. And when we do that, we reflect his will, his word, and his purposes on this earth. We're a testimony then to the kingdom of God. Submitting to your husband looks like letting him lead. I just went to the ballet recently, and so I'm gonna use a dance analogy, so stay there with me. But when you have a man or a man and a woman duo, and I think they'll be showing a picture soon of from a favorite movie of White Christmas, but when you have a man and a woman duo, they are working as a team, and the man is the lead, he sets the tempo, he navigates the team, he doesn't force the follower, but he does so by his physical strength and by gentle, just simple touches. He initiates and decides the steps. Now, when there is a mistake in the dance, healthy dance partners do not blame one another. If the error is made, it is considered a breach of etiquette and can destroy the partner's confidence. You f you fail as a team, you succeed as a team. In marriage, you succeed as a team or you fail as a team. And we thrive in our marriages when we both recognize one leader. Men and women are made in the image of God. We have equal value, and it is the husband's responsibility and privilege to lead his wife. The submission of wives, though, is not like the obedience of children, nor does it command all women to submit to all men. A wife is called to submit to her own husband, and he should be respected as the head of the home. There was a time in our lives where we were going through a lot. All the kids were at home, a lot of good things were happening, a lot of not great things were happening, and what seemed like was totally out of the blue. Tyler's like, we need to, I think we need to do this. And I was like, I don't know. It was a huge change, it was a huge decision, and it wasn't in like the life plans, and it was like a huge decision. And I just had to step back and just trust in his leadership. Well, let me tell you, he did hear from God, and it ended up being a decision that protected our family from more destruction and more harm. And I just thank God for his leadership. Submitting to your husband is your pre God's protection over women, and it's not his punishment. As we submit to the to the marriage relationship, it builds the health of us. Um, a wife should be trusting in her husband, and she can trust when she feels safe and loved. And godly submission keeps a wife's heart from stumbling into pride. Thus, I'm honoring my relationship with the Lord because I'm staying out of pride. I'm submitted to his leadership. Next, yielding your husband looks like prioritizing him. Marriage is not just a commitment, but a precious priority. I try and look at the calendar and see what busy days are Tyler's busy days, and I try and make sure after he's had a long day, I'm at home and I have dinner ready and I just can spend some time. I'm just not out gallivanting with girlfriends and just not prioritizing time with him. And that's just something we do. We always try and keep that in consideration. But we prioritize what holds value to us. A wife can prioritize her husband by valuing what he values and giving preference to him in that way. For some, that may mean maybe a wife has been working for a long time and all of a sudden, out of the blue, he says, I really feel like the kids need you at home right now, and she needs to do that. Um a wife can yield her time and attention to many things, but we when we obey God's way, we flourish. And respecting your husband looks like celebrating him. So this is kind of you unmarried or you're hoping to be married one day, pay attention to this part two. Um, I always told my daughter when she was looking for a mate to get out a magnifying glass and to look and see the character traits, the qualities, the authenticity of the person she was considering. But once you decide to get married, you lay that magnifying glass down. Or maybe you need to break it so you don't pick it up again, right? And instead, you need to pick up a mirror and evaluate what's in your life that you need to change. I will grow in the marriage, and as a woman who fears the Lord, when I take what I need to and repent of and focus on that. So I can show respect also by focusing on the most excellent qualities of my husband. Philippians 4 8. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. You will find what you are looking for. And you can a wife can take control over her thoughts that are trying to pull her down to see the negative things in her husband and choose her thought patterns to think on Philippians 4:8. What is the one thing lovely? What is the one thing commendable? Focus on the awesome qualities that the husband exemplifies. A key to contentment is thankfulness. I'm big on this. Be thankful. You always have something to be thankful for. And if you are finding more reasons or really excuses to not submit than you are to submit, you may be looking with a magnifying glass and not the mirror. A wife can celebrate her husband by seeing and focusing on the strengths of her spouse. Let's not focus on the weakness. Let's focus on the strengths, ladies. A wife should praise her husband to him and to others. Blessings and cursings should not come from the same mouth. We are called to be a people of blessing, and a wife should bless her husband to his face and behind his back. Don't be talking about your husband negatively behind his back to your girlfriends. Speak kindly of him, honor him, and praise him. And when that is done, the heart of her husband can trust in her. He feels safe, he feels honored. A wife can also celebrate her husband with physical intimacy. It is good to feel wanted and needed, and both partners can benefit in the marriage in oneness. It can provide great fulfillment when it is done out of desire and not just obligation. And I just want to thank God that He has given me the kind of husband that has loved me like Christ because I feel like I have flourished and been able to see my dreams come true by being with my children, seeing grandchildren, and loving the Lord together. And I am honored to do this dance of life with you.

Husbands: Love With Sacrifice

Husbands: Tender Care And Partnership

Marriage As A Gospel Witness

Prayer For Marriages And Future Spouses

Tyler Lynde 32:55

Wow. Listen, I honestly really messed up. We're gonna move forward. We're gonna finish this out. We're gonna get her done. Yeah. Thank you for sharing. That was all from her heart. I didn't write any of that. That was all her, and I appreciate it very much. So let's turn the page now to husbands and let's talk about us for a few minutes, guys. Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loves the church. Amen. It's the truth. It's interesting that the Greek word here for love is not friendship, although friendship's important. It's not eros or intimacy, although that's very important. It's agapeo, which is the God kind of love. It's pure, it's unconditional. It is always seeing the best and seeking the best for others. It is a high calling and one that can only be accomplished with the grace of God in our lives, right? Um, so let's talk about loving your wife. What does that look like? Just three things, and we'll be finished here. The first thing is loving your wife looks like sacrifice. It looks like sacrifice. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Jesus is the ultimate example of sacrifice. If I were to ask the question of the married men this morning, would you be willing to take a bullet for your wife? Many of you would quickly raise your hand or stand up. And those who didn't would look at your wife and have realized that you needed to raise your hand or stand up. And you would do that, right? So, I mean, that is a manly thing. I'm not joking. That is a very manly, noble, uh, chivalrous type of mindset and thing. And I applaud you for that. I applaud you for it. That's a good thing. But many men, the same men who would say yes to that, are not willing to sacrifice anything in their own personal lives on a daily basis in order to properly love their wives. They're not willing to meet their wives even halfway. They refuse to love their wives as Christ loved the church. So the real question I have for us, men, is what of ourselves are we willing to give up in order to love our wives well? What is it that we're willing to lay down? What are we willing to sacrifice? Are we willing to put away childish ways? Can I just be honest, men? We need to grow up. And I'm 53 years old and I'm talking about myself. We need to grow up, right? I remember years ago I was addicted to Candy Crush, and I've told this story before. And my wife was trying to tell me something really important, and I was, uh-huh. Yeah, as I was playing Candy Crush on my phone. And she said to me, I need you to listen with your eyes, not just your ears. And I laid my phone down and I looked at her and I said, Yes, dear. Which, by the way, gentlemen, yes, dear is a phrase that you need to know and learn. Put it in your reminders, whatever it is. But yeah, so it's important for us to understand that there's some childish things that we would like to carry on for the rest of our lives that we need to lay down. Sacrifice looks like growing up. Sacrifice might be laying down solo plans. There are some men who want to keep a separate calendar from their wives or from their family. And it's not that we can't do things outside of our family. It's important for us to have friendships and other things like that. But those things should be done in concert with our wives and not, you know, keeping her aside or keeping her out of those kinds of plans. How about spending habits? How many of our wives have to ask us about what we spent money on because we haven't come clean with that? We haven't been honest with each other about that. We need to be, we need to grow up again as husbands. See, the question is, are we willing to lovingly lead our wife by encouraging her to follow Christ as we set an example for her of what it looks like to follow Christ? I'm sick and tired of the American church in the sense that it has it has pushed on women the need to lead spiritually in every aspect of life when God Himself created it for us to bear that burden, men. And yet we we easily, quickly relegate that to the wives or the women that are in our lives. It's time to not only grow up, it's time to step up. It's time to step up as men and to begin to follow Christ for real and to show our wives and our children what it looks like to be a fully fledged follower of Jesus Christ. The sacrifice required isn't as much about being a husband, honestly, as being a disciple of Jesus Christ. If we are disciple of Jesus Christ, the husband part will come almost naturally. Almost naturally. How can I encourage you, right? And we should also be able to say to our of our families, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Men, can you imagine the generations that would be affected if we rose up and began to actually live like this? And we can. We can do it. They were encouraged to do it in the first century, and they did it. They learned to do it. This is God's design. It's actually, when we get involved in it and the grace of God is there for us, it actually is much better and much easier than living life the other way. Living life for ourselves, living lives self-centered and selfishly. It's time to move beyond that and to live up to the expectation of Christ that's placed upon us based upon his example to us. Amen. Secondly, loving your wife looks like tender care. Well, I like the, you know, I'll take a bullet for her, but I have to be tender. That's feminine. That's a feminine quality, guys. Come on. It is not just a feminine quality. This is a characteristic of God. How many of you men rely upon the tender care of your heavenly Father to provide you what you need to be able to live this life? How many of us rely upon the mercy of God and his loving kindness and his tenderness? Are you going to say that God Himself is not, you know, strong enough because he has those kinds of rising emotions and feelings that Jesus himself had compassion on the crowds, that he was moved in his heart for people? We need to have tender care. We need to show tenderness and tender care to our wives. When you get with your buddies, do the hoo-hoo-hoo stuff. But when you get with your wife, it needs to be more, it needs to be more refined and gentle. This tender care can look like a lot of things. It can look like protection. It can look like provision. Gentlemen, our wives should never have to worry about whether or not we're going to do everything we possibly can to provide for the needs of our family. It shouldn't even be a second thought for them. They should know beyond a shadow of a doubt. They should be able to say, My husband is willing to work two jobs, three jobs, whatever it takes to make sure that our family is taken care of. It's time to step up. It can look like provision. It can look like encouragement. Sometimes your wife just needs you to say, you're gonna make it. It's okay. She needs to know that you're rooting for her. You want her to root for you, and that's a Amy just mentioned that. That's a proper thing, right? We need to root for her. We need to encourage her. I've adopted a motto early on in our marriage, and it has served me well. And it's just the simple saying, I live to give. I live to give. And all of us will adopt that motto. And I I heard that from somebody else. I can't even remember who told who I heard it from, but you can carry it on. I live to give. And if we learn to live that way, to live sacrificially, to live with tender care for our wives, I promise you your marriage is going to increase and improve exponentially. Tender care entails watching over her spirit, soul, and body, being there for her, protecting her, caring for her. We are called to work at understanding the difficulties that are uniquely experienced by our wives. Gentlemen, if you don't know it yet, our wives have a harder time at life a lot of times than we do. And if you don't believe me, let's just talk about a certain time of the month. How many of us as men could endure what they endure every month? Cannot believe I just said that out loud, but it's true. It's true. 1 Peter 3, 7 says, likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the women as the weaker vessel. Not that you're to look down upon her, but you are to understand that there's a special role that you and I play as husbands. We get to uplift and uphold our wives, to protect them, to watch over them, to treat Treasure them, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. God takes this very seriously, and so should we. It is my privilege and responsibility to love my wife well, even when it feels like I can't understand her. I have no idea what she's going through. I don't know what she just said. I have no idea what she's feeling. I'm trying to interpret this. I wish somebody would come up with a Google app that would help us, gentlemen, to be able to understand. But you know what? You can be understanding even when you don't understand. Sometimes my wife just needs a hug. Sometimes she just needs me to say it's gonna be okay. Sometimes she needs me to say to her, Have you prayed about that? Can I pray for you? Right? She should always feel safe, treasured, and well cared for by me. I remember another thing that Amy will say to me at times when I'm getting a little too riley, is she will say, I'm not your brother. If you want to wrestle, if you want to fight, if you want to talk like that and be, you know, sarcastic, whatever the case is, go deal with your brother. I'm not your brother. She doesn't say that very often, but whatever she does, she's right. She's right. And finally, loving your wife looks like partnership. It looks like partnership. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Now, I'm not going to take offense at God, although I wanted to when I read this passage again, because he's sort of not making fun of us, but he's saying something that's that's a little bit off-putting. He's basically saying, hey guys, you know how to love yourselves, right? And we do. We know how to feed ourselves the way we want to be fed, we know how to drive the way we want to drive, we know how to play the way we want to play, we know how to all of those things. He's saying, if you know how to love yourself well, then you should learn how to love her as well. Right? It should be easy to do that. She's not lesser than you, and actually, she completes you in many ways. You notice that Adam was made out of the dirt of the ground, and Eve was made out of one of Adam's ribs. We belong together, we complete each other. There's a partnership that's going on between us. We should appreciate the gifts that our wife has to offer, and we should lean on them in areas where we are not gifted. Here's the reality in our household. You do not want me handling the finances. It's not that I'm gonna blow them, you know, necessarily, although I would buy some things that would end up either not being used or in the garage somewhere, right? But um I need my wife because she is gifted in the area of finances and she understands how everything needs to work, and so she handles those things for our family. And if I were to say, because I'm the head of my house, I need to be in charge of the finances, I'm missing out on a healthy marriage and a healthy family setting because I'm not relying upon the strengths that God has given her. Does that make sense? That's just one example. Husbands are called to lead their wives, and ultimately marriage should be viewed as a partnership where each person is following Christ and rooting on the other and walking together in harmony for the glory of God. You guys, when we get this right, when we live the way that we're supposed to live, God is glorified, and the world around us looks at us and says, How in the world do you have a marriage like that? How is this real? Are you guys real or are you just pretending? I'm telling you, one of the reasons why the early church met in homes was because the culture of the world had no idea what a healthy marriage looked like. And so when they would come into homes where there were families that were living and serving God together, they would have an example of what Christ was like and what Christ would do in the hearts of men and women. Friends, I don't think our culture is that far removed from the Roman culture. I think if you look historically, we're sort of on the same precipice. We have an example, we have an opportunity to exemplify who Jesus is through the way that we love and serve each other as husbands and wives. Next week we're gonna talk about kids, so we'll get to that. Okay. I'm gonna ask my wife to come back and we're gonna pray for you and ask you to pray for us as well. I need the mic. Excuse me. So those of you who are married or who desire to be married, if you would stand up, please. And for the rest that are in a different category, if you would pray for those along with us as we pray together. Amy's gonna lift up the wives, and then I'm gonna pray for the husbands and the wives to be and the husbands to be as well.

Amy Lynde 50:00

Thank you, Lord. Father, we just give you glory and praise. We thank you for your word, we thank you for your life and your love for us. And I pray for the women in this body and in this room that are wives, and I pray for those that are hoping to be and praying for a spouse. Yes, Father, I pray that you would make us into the women you want us to be, that we would exemplify your love and your light. Father, I just pray that we would be patient and kind, and we would stay grounded in your word and filled with your Holy Spirit. Father, I pray your blessing on each marriage that's represented, Father. Grace, strength, and peace. Father, I just pray for those, even those marriages that seem that they're hanging on by a thread. Father, you are a miracle worker, and we just pray for a miracle and a transformation in those. And Father, we give you praise in Jesus' name.

Tyler Lynde 50:54

Yes, Father. And we pray also for the husbands, Lord. And we ask, Lord, for all of us that you would help us to represent you as we lead our families, Lord. We ask that we could say, Follow me as I follow Christ, that we could say, As for me in my house, we will serve the Lord. Father, I ask that you would help us to love our wives appropriately, Lord, that we would be sacrificial in our love, that we'd be willing to lay down our own desires, our own ways, our own thoughts, our own patterns in order to uh to give our lives for our wives. And we also ask, Lord, that you would help us to have tenderness in our hearts toward our wives, that we would not be gruff or rough or uh not willing to come and meet them halfway or to understand what they're going through. Father, help us, Lord, to treat our wives the way that you treat us and the way that you desire for us to treat our wives. And Lord, we ask ultimately that you would help us to see that marriage is a partnership, that you created male and female and brought them together so that they could be one flesh. And so we pray for unity. We pray for unity in the households of this church. We pray for unity, Father, and for uh for partnership in each and every one of our homes. Lord, we pray that the years of hurt and disappointment would wash away now in Jesus' name. We pray that you would grant forgiveness where there's been unforgiveness. We pray, Lord, that you would give grace for a fresh start, a new beginning. Lord, we pray that pride would not get in the way, that we would all be humble and approach the roles that you've called us to walk in, Father, that we would approach those the way that you desire for us to, for your benefit and for your kingdom. We give you glory. We pray for those who aren't married yet but have a desire, Father. We ask that you continue to help them to keep their eyes on you, focused on you, and also that they would develop the skills and the gifts that are needed for them to be the spouse that is going to be such a great part of a healthy partnership in marriage. Help them with that, encourage them. And Lord, when the time's right, would you bring the right people into each and every one of their lives? Would you make it obvious and apparent, those who are who they're supposed to be joined with? And Father, that that would all work out according to your plan and your timing and your way. We thank you for it, Father, in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen.